Let’s Talk: Childhood Reflections

We all have a Story. And most of the time it starts with our childhood.

I absolutely love reading about people. I’m always intrigued about someone’s personal story. What helped create you to be who you are today? What are the moments that make you feel full with emotion? The personal side of someone is so interesting.

Sadly, not everyone can escape their childhood. Some adults feel they are trapped in the child they once were. As though they don’t realize childhood is over. It may have been traumatizing, but it is over. I am amazed at people who make terrible choices and then seem to want to blame it on their childhood, as though they’re still living it. The ones who make it out are the most beautiful people. The ones who dared to dream a new life and kept dreaming and living it. No matter where they’ve been or who they’ve been previously. Those are the real survivors in my book and where the real success stories are made. That is true inspiration.

I often think about the life I had before I was adopted at 6 years old.

First, I must say that there cannot ever be enough good foster homes out there. If you are fostering children I have no doubt it is an extremely hard job and you are amazing for taking on such a responsibility. I can imagine it is rewarding as well. One thing that stands out more than anything is the last foster home I was in right before I was adopted. I had a bad experience previous to it that I’m ever so thankful that I was young enough I don’t remember the specifics. I also had the power to almost completely black out that part of my life and what I do remember is just a very negative feeling with one small memory fueling it. But the next foster home I had will forever be ingrained in my memory. It was by far the best memories I have from my childhood.

When I first came to them I was an extremely angry and hurt child. When you’re taken from people when you’re just old enough to remember people and places you start to realize that everything gets taken from you. EVERYTHING. Not just toys, clothes or your baby blankie but people, the people that are supposed to be caring for you. All of a sudden everything and everyone is just gone. You start to lose trust. You don’t even know what the word trust is at that age, but you feel it. And you know you don’t give it out freely anymore just to be taken away again. Whatever happened at my previous foster homes was bad. That I know. But, the last foster home I had was, without a doubt, what shaped me into the person I am today.

I came to this family an angry little girl. I remember being in time out a lot too! I know that my time outs were well deserved and to help me realize when I was doing wrong. And it worked. I didn’t like time out of course and I started understanding. But what really stood out to me was that no one ever laid a hand on me. No one beat me and no one hit me. No one touched me inappropriately. That’s when I started to be comfortable and to trust. I remember vividly their home and all the other children. I remember laughing with them and playing and just knowing that this was ‘family’……fun, happy and loving. I remember the mom. She was ‘my mom’. I had never known a mother’s love. But I knew her love.  And I knew the way it made me feel. It was real and it was amazing. I will never forget the way they made me feel.  I was happier than I had ever been in my life! It was the first time I could be ME and I never had to feel bad for who I was or wanted to be. I could express myself in ways that no one ever tolerated before. They helped me learn how to deal with the horrible fits of anger I had. They started to subside when I was promised if I worked really hard at controlling my emotions, then I could get my ears pierced. That drove me. I worked very hard and I got my ears pierced. I’ll never forget that day. I was so proud. We had a pep talk how I had to be strong and I promised I wouldn’t cry. And I remember trying but tearing up because it actually hurt really bad!!! I remember my foster sisters laughing and hugging me. I remember feeling accomplished. I was five. It’s amazing what you can know and feel all by the age of five.

As an adult now I look back and I know that my foster family is who taught me the difference between right and wrong. I had only known wrong until I became a part of their family. Everything they did taught me what was right. They showed me the right way to live, how to love and the right way to be treated. And for that, I will have a piece of them in my heart always and will forever be grateful. They are the reason I became the loving wife and mom I am today.

 

Whether it was a decade, one year, one day or a single glimmer of a moment, we can use that to make us stronger and the person we truly want to be. Be inspired to tell your story! Sometimes it’s hard to open up about personal things but people want to hear it, sometimes NEED to hear it. You may be surprised at who you may inspire.

If you are a foster family or have been in foster homes you may be able to relate to the video below. When I first saw this I thought wow, whoever made this knows a thing or two about understanding foster children! It’s the most real and truthful video I’ve ever seen done on what children go through.